Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…

Visiting a friend’s house last night, I discovered a level of gadgetry to which even I had not previously aspired. It’s the latest thing from those dashed clever Japanese chaps, apparently.



I’m sorry the image is a little blurred. I can assure you I was neither oscillating nor pulsating at the time.

I didn’t try it out, actually. I rather regret it now. Not sure when I’ll get another chance and it would at least be an interesting experience, I imagine!

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This is absolutely fascinating – there is just so much to consider here. There are apparently two levels of rear cleansing, soft and (presumably) regular. But there is only one level of front cleansing, and the figure on the button is a different colour and, to my practised eye, also appears to be female. The mind boggles – actually some other things would probably boggle as well, at least in oscillating mode, if not in pulsating. And what do the up and down arrow buttons on the front control? It’s a pity that the whole image is shattered by the presence of a distinctly low tech old-fashioned bog brush at the lower left of the top picture.

I don’t think I’ll be an early adopter of this. Actually I thought I was ahead of the game in that my recently-installed new bathroom has a toilet with a soft-close seat and lid. When you’ve finished your.. er.. business, you just give the lid, or the lid and the seat if they’re both up, a quick flick with the wrist as you turn to walk away, and they gently close. Very cool. However, the trouble is that you get used to doing this, and absent-mindedly do it in someone else’s loo or a posh hotel, resulting in the seat coming crashing down with a loud bang, and (at least once) shattering into pieces. Oops.

Ah, yes – the up and down buttons control power and angle, if I remember correctly!

What I want to know is where the water jet is mounted. Is it sanitary?

I guess the jets must swing down or something. I didn’t investigate too closely, but yes, it looked sanitary!

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