NewsPeak

This has been doing the rounds for a while but I’ve only just come across it (thanks to Jason Perlow). Wonderful stuff.

Here are the winners of this year’s Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an ass.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8.Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v, To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Required reading

Well, it should be, certainly for all science journalists, and probably for all science undergrads too. Ben Goldacre’s Bad Science is an enjoyable but very well-informed rant about how the media gets science stories wrong, and how to look for the real facts behind the reports.

Ben has a few chips on his shoulder – perhaps a few too many – but that doesn’t stop this from being a very important book. Recommended.

Spring

From yesterday’s walk…

2009-04-05_14-40-29

Most of the paths I walked on obviously had more quadrapedal than bipedal traffic:

2009-04-05_15-35-39

2009-04-05_10-55-14

Do you think this notice shows concern about the mortal well-being of the animals, or is it a subtle threat?

2009-04-05_15-21-03

2009-04-05_11-18-18

Very proud…

…to discover that the Childwickbury goats’ cheese made by my step-sister Elizabeth was served as the vegetarian starter for the G20 leaders last night.

Glad to know Jamie approves of it…



We’re very proud too!…

Drug houses and DVDs

On the Today program this morning, someone was saying that ISPs should be held partly responsible for movie and music piracy by their users, in the same way that a house owner should be responsible if the house was being used as a drug den.

But surely that’s the wrong analogy. People don’t in general upload the pirated material to the ISPs’ servers – they have it on their own PCs. Holding the ISP responsible is like blaming the local council because their roads were used to transport the drugs. Why not blame the electricity company that powers the PC?

The culpable ones, if any, are those who share material from their PCs. The media industries can’t sue all of them, though, so they have to find another scapegoat.

Riding the wind

Greenbird

Last week a British vehicle set a new land speed record for wind-powered vehicles. 126.1mph.

Not the easiest thing to park at Waitrose, perhaps, but very pretty.

Screentime

From the RosenblumTV blog:

Media Life reports this week that the average American now spends 8.5 hours a day staring at some kind of screen, whether its television, computer or cellphone.

This means that screenwatching has now become the number one human activity, surpassing even sleep. We will spend more of our lives staring at screens than doing anything else.

Screenwatching has become the seminal and defining act of our culture.

Social Spaghetti

  • My tweets are cross-posted to Facebook because I know they’ll fit. It doesn’t work the other way around.
  • My blog posts can be any size, and are posted to Twitter as URLs, so the links end up on Facebook as well.
  • I guess my Facebook entries could be cross-posted to Twitter as URLs but they aren’t usually worth a click! And it could create a feedback loop which would cause my social world to implode.
  • Some of my friends reply on Twitter, some on Facebook, and some on the blog.
  • I get email notifications about blog and Facebook responses. Twitter replies I often miss. I’d like emails from Twitter but am worried that it would be a bit…well… curmudgeonly, like those people who supposedly could only read emails after their secretary had printed them out.
  • Most of my important communications are in Skype IM anyway, which doesn’t link to anything!

I wonder what this will look like in three years’ time…

Making your Google docs look prettier

I’m a huge fan of Google docs – especially where several people need to collaborate on a document. But sometimes the formatting capabilities can be a little restricting – margins, line spacing, etc – you have little control over those.

Or so I thought, until this morning I discovered the ‘Edit CSS’ menu option:

With a little bit of CSS you can change the appearance in all sorts of ways. My needs are mostly simple, though.

Similarly, you can edit the HTML in various ways. I needed a line break as opposed to a paragraph break. Right click and you can Insert HTML at Selection. Type <br /> and you’re done.

I hope they teach raw HTML and CSS in schools these days. It’s the punctuation of the future. Not that they teach punctuation any more…

imPresto

“I would show you this on my laptop”, said a visitor to our company recently, “but it would take forever to boot up”.

And I realised how long I’d been living in a Mac world: for the last eight or nine years I’ve had a laptop where you open the lid and start typing pretty much immediately. (Camvine is an all-Mac shop except for the servers, which are Linux, and stay on all the time anyway.)

The slow start-up (and even rather painful resume-from-suspend) that people in the Windows world often experience has led to some modern machines having a minimal Linux installed alongside Windows, so you don’t have to wait for your entire world to load if you just want to check something quick on the web. Chris Nuttall, writing in the FT techblog, seems to be quite impressed with Presto.

Don’t knock Nokia…

My ageing Nokia E61 was, in many ways, an excellent phone – it was my TomTom, my Blackberry, a pretty good web browser, but it was starting to have occasional hiccups, and ‘out of memory errors’ once I started syncing over 1000 contacts to it from my Mac. It was time for a replacement, and an iPhone would be the natural thing for someone who loves the iTouch as much as I do, but I’m in the twilight zone at the end of a service contract and to switch suppliers would be expensive at present; besides, I won’t be surprised if there’s a new iPhone in the summer.

So I opted for a second-hand E71 from eBay, having read rave reviews for it, and I have to say it’s a very nice device. It’s familiar, being a successor to the E61, and adds a reasonable 3MP camera, a GPS – even, I discovered this morning, an FM radio – all in a much smaller and sexier package.

What many Nokia smartphone users may not know is that Nokia give out some quite interesting bits of software from time to time. Nokia Messaging makes up for the fact that I can’t install Blackberry Connect on this device, for example.

My only real disappointment was with the battery life, which was poor even by 3G smartphone standards. But even there, help was at hand in the form of the Nokia Energy Profiler – a very cool tool which can monitor all sorts of things.

If you leave this running as a background process you can try making adjustments to your configuration to see the effect. The peak in the power consumption shown on the screen was when I turned the camera on, for example.

Through this I discovered that switching off HSPDA – leaving me with 3G but not ‘3.5G’ – would give me a substantial cut in power usage, and hopefully extend my normal battery life beyond a day… we’ll see how it goes!

Update: Well, it didn’t notably extend my battery life. But what did make a difference was switching the ‘Packet data connection’ setting from ‘When available’ to ‘When needed’. Now I get a whole day and a bit more.

© Copyright Quentin Stafford-Fraser